Christmas Carols 2004

Courtesy www.talkingcock.com

NEW KING LEE HSIEN LOONG
(to the tune of ‘Good King Wenceslas’)

New King Lee Hsien Loong looked out
From his big new office
What he saw, without a doubt,
Were people who were all pissed
All his talk of loos’ning up
Is just propaganda
He’s still got it all sewn up
We’re still more like U-gan-da.

New King Lee Hsien Loong reached out
To the little chewren
They were too dumb to find out
What he said was niu fen
He can really talk the talk
About lib’ralizing
But the talk is all just cock
Why is this sur-pri-i-sing?


STOCKS AND SHARES WE BOUGHT DAMN HIGH
(to the tune of ‘Angels We Have Heard on High’)

Stocks and shares we bought damn high
Now are in the toi-oi-let
We can’t help but wonder why
The Gahmen didn’t foresee it.
Chi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-na A-vi-a-tion Oi-il
Chi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-na A-vi-a-tion Oi-oi-oil

Foreign talents come to us
And take away all our money
Gahmen makes a token fuss
CEO smiles – damn funny!
Chi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-na A-vi-a-tion Oi-il
Chi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-na A-vi-a-tion Oi-oi-oil

Mainland Chinese think we’re dumb
And you know, they could be right
Just look at the silly bums
We’ll vote in election night
Chi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-na A-vi-a-tion Oi-il
Chi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-na A-vi-a-tion Oi-oi-oil


DO YOU FEAR WHAT I FEAR?
(to the tune of ‘Do You Hear What I Hear’)

Said the Gahmen to the High Court Judge
“Do you hear what I hear?
JBJ and chao Dr. Chee
Do you hear what I hear?
Libel, libel, spreading very far
Who do these fools think they are?
Who do these fools think they are?”

Said the Judge to the de-fen-dants
“Do you see what I see?
Coming now to your letter box,
Do you see what I see?
Lawsuit, lawsuit, a big fat lawsuit
That will teach you, or-bi-good
That will teach you, or-bi-good.”

Said the people to one another
“Do you fear what I fear?
Criticism isn’t taken here
Do you fear what I fear?
Small thing, small thing, also cannot say
And we’ll wind up like JBJ
And we’ll wind up like JBJ.”


WE THREE BENGS
(to the tune of ‘We Three Kings’)

We three Bengs of Jalan Boon Lay
Off to Geylang to chuay kway
Blur like sotong
Go wrong lorong
Nin nao hiah, si beh suay!

Refrain:
O-oh, kan ni na bu
Chao chee bye
We all damn buay satisfy
Go the wrong route
Now all tio hoot
Chao Ah Beng all kana sai!


OH PM LEE
(to the tune of ‘Der Tannenbaum’)

Oh PM Lee, oh PM Lee
You are now our prime min’ster
Oh PM Lee, oh PM Lee
Tolong don’t be a monster

We know that it’s part ge-ne-tic
But it would be damn pa-the-tic
For PM Lee, oh PM Lee
For you to be despotic

Oh PM Lee, oh PM Lee
The economy is shrinking
Oh PM Lee, oh PM Lee
What was the Gahmen thinking?

While more and more folks get the sack
You all get your high sal’ries back
Oh PM Lee, oh PM Lee
You all should bleddy kena whack!

Christmas Carols 2003

Courtesy www.talkingcock.com

I SAW HSIEN LOONG SLAPPING DHANA’S FACE
(to the tune of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”)

I saw Hsien Loong slapping Dhana’s face
Somewhere in the Treasury last night
He really let it swing
The young man who’ll soon be King
But poor old Goh Chok Tong just can’t recall a single thing
I swear, that Hsien Loong slapped old Dhana’s face
Which soon turned from brown to icy white
Oh what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Hsien Loong slapping Dhana’s face last night


GO HOTEL
(to the tune of “The First Noel”)

Let’s all go to a hotel
To-oo eat a buffet
Let’s go there for some high tea with nyo-onya kway
Wi-ith nyo-onya kway, and maybe kuay-ay pie tee
We are willing to pay thirty ni-ine ninety

Refrain:
Go hote-el, go hotel, go hotel, hotel
In Singapore, they’re the best place to dwell

In hotels we like to meet
Lobbies just can’t be beat
And their toilets are the best place to take a shit
To-oo ta-ake a shit, hotel loos can’t be beat
Even shopping centre ones just cannot compete
(Refrain)

Why do we like hotels so?
A good question, you know
It’s not the air-con or restaurants or even disco
To hotels we like to go, ‘cause deep down we feel low
For a while there, can pretend we’re foreign also
(Refrain)


THE LITTLE DRAGON PRINCE
(to the tune of ‘The Little Drummer Boy’)

DPM Lee
Pa rum pum pum pum
He’ll soon be king, you see
Pa rum pum pum pum
And guess who will be queen
Pa rum pum pum pum
Why, it’s Madam Ho Ching
Pa rum pum pum pum
Rum pum pum pum
Rum pum pum pum
Better vote him in
Pa rum pum pum pum
When he comes.

If you don’t vote him
Pa rum pum pum pum
He’ll cut your salary
Pa rum pum pum pum
Or raise the GST
Pa rum pum pum pum
Or slap your stupid face
Pa rum pum pum pum
Rum pum pum pum
Rum pum pum pum
Wait he will slap your face
Pa rum pum pum pum
Like Dhana-ba-lan


LICK YOUR BALLS
(to the tune of “Deck the Halls)

Lick your balls, but do it softly
Fel-lay-lay-lay, lay-lay-lay-tio
It’s not legal, velly solly
Fel-lay-lay-lay, lay-lay-lay-tio

Refrain:
Not for straight or homosexual
Fel-lay-lay lay-lay-lay, lay-lay-tio
Oral sex is still illegal
Fel-lay-lay-lay-lay, lay-lay-lay-tio

Singapore law’s really sucky
Fel-lay-lay-lay, lay-lay-lay-tio
Sucking cock here’s real unlucky
Fel-lay-lay-lay, lay-lay-lay-tio
(Refrain)

HSIEN LOONG DPM
(to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman”)

Hsien Loong DPM
Will soon be king they say
But he just can’t still
The old rumour mill
Over what he did one day
Hsien Loong DPM
was a slappy-happy soul
With a good right hook
and an uppercut
But alas, no self-control

There must have been some anger in
The dragon prince that day
For when Dhana-ba-lan stepped in
He began to slap away

O Hsien Loong DPM
Gave Dhana a hantam-ing
But old Goh Chok Tong
Acted like sotong
Can’t remember anything

Slappity-slap-slap
Slappity-slap-slap
Look at Hsien Loong go
Slappity-slap-slap
Slappity-slap-slap
Better not be his foe!


GLC
(to the tune of “Silver Bells”)

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks
From Orchard to Yew Tee
In the back
Gahmen’s dealing
In business
SMRT
NTUC
And I’ll bet bubble tea
They’re in ev-e-ry business you see

GLC… GLC…
It’s business time in the city
Muscle in (just give in!)
Become a sub-si-di-ary

You’re a dirt speck
To Temasek
So abandon your dreams
In the end
They’ll take over
Your business
You can’t compete
‘Cause they play cheat
They’re a monopoly
So much for market eco-no-my

GLC… GLC…
They make business rea-lly shitty
It’s no sin, to just give in
And join Sing Tech-no-lo-gy


I’LL LEAVE HOME THIS CHRISTMAS
(to the tune of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”)

I’ll leave home this Christmas
Say goodbye to me
Why is it, I want to quit?
It’s all because of Lee

I just cannot take it
All their funny schemes
Come back home next Christmas?
Oh, only in your dreams!


CHOK TONG, HARRY LEE SAYS BYE
(to the tune of 'Ding Dong! Merrily on High')

Chok Tong, Harry Lee says ‘Bye’
His son is now ascending
Chok Tong, with relief you sigh
Seat warming is real tiring
Go-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Chok Tong
The son will soon take office!

Chok Tong now you go below
And make way for the dragon
He’s an atas so and so
But he’s got great connections
Go-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Chok Tong
The son will soon take office!


JINGLE BENGS
(to the tune of ‘Jingle Bells’)

Chorus:
Jingle Bengs, Jingle Bengs
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to squat
And then shout, “Wah lau eh!” (Eh!)
Jingle Bengs, Jingle Bengs
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to squat
And then shout, “Wah lau eh!”

Hooting down the road
And piah-ing down the street
Later go Geylang
And get something to eat
Geylang is damn tok kong
‘Cos down every lorong
You’re sure to find things all night long
To make you si beh song (Eh!)

(Repeat chorus )


GST IS COMING TO TOWN
(to the tune of ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’)

You better buy now
You better now buy
You better shop now
I’m telling you why
GST is coming to town

It will increase your bills
By fi-ive percent
Courtesy of the go-overnment
GST is coming to town

It’ll hit you when you’re shopping
Whether food or household wares
So you better start applying for
Your Ee–aR-Ce-ee shares

You better buy now
You better now buy
You better shop now
I’m telling you why
GST is coming to town


O COME BACK YE QUITTERS
(to the tune of ‘O Come All Ye Faithful’)

Come back, ye quitters,
Bring your kids or sisters
Come back, o co-ome back to Si-ing-ga-pore
Come and assist us
In this big recession
O come back to your country
O come back to your country
O come back to your country
We mean Singapore


I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE HUSBAND
(to the tune of ‘I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas’)

I’m dreaming of a white husband
Just like the ones on TV shows
So I stake out Boat Quay
Or Ho-lland Vee-ee
To snag some rich expat ang-mors

I’m dreaming of a white husband
I read about in women’s mags
I’m an SPG, all right
And I want my husband to be white


ISD IS GONNA FIND OUT
(to the tune of 'Santa Claus is Coming To Town')

You better not pout
You better not cry
You better watch out I'm telling you why
ISD is gonna find out
They're reading your mail
They're bugging your soup
To find out if you're
A communist dupe
ISD is gonna find out

They watch you when you're sleeping
Awake it's still the same
And if you act boh tua boh suay
You will sure kena detain

So better not pout
Or kau peh kau bu
Or they will reserve
The air-con for you
ISD is gonna find out


FILL THE MALLS
(to the tune of 'Deck the Halls')

Fill the malls with Christmas spending!
Fa la la la la la la la la
Use your Visa till it's bending!
Fa la la la la la la la la
Till you reach your credit ceiling!
Fa la la la la la la la la
And the interest starts increasing!
Fa la la la la la la la la
See the letters all demanding!
Fa la la la la la la la la
See the writ of seizure coming!
Fa la la la la la la la la
Bailiffs come with smiles-a-gleaming!
Fa la la la la la la la la
What a novel Christmas greeting!
Fa la la la la la la la la


O LITTLE TOWN OF SINGAPORE
(to the tune of "O Little Town of Bethlehem")
O little town of Singapore
How small you are in size
And yet you like
To use your mike
To go and proselytize
Though your Asian values
You know are but a ruse
To justify
Making folks cry
Their liber-ties you bruise
"You must obey your elders
No matter what they say
To be unfi-
-Li-al, you see
Is a treasonous display."


SILENT FART
(to the tune of 'Silent Night')

Silent fart
Smelly fart
Eat durian
Chin chia lat
Bastard
Why you so
Buay tze tong
Just let go
Like that, si beh hiong
Damn incon-si-der-a-ate
Da-amn in-con-sider-ate


SOUTH IN EAST ASIA
(to the tune of "Away in a Manger")

South in East Asia
By a flag white and red
The little lord Harry
Lay down his vast head
He's built up this island
It's rich though it's small
The people love Harry
And carry his balls.


WE THREE SINGHS
(to the tune of "We Three Kings")

We three Singhs
Of Paya Lebar
One in taxi
One in car
One on scooter
Peeping his hooter
All going to Khalsa.

Refrain:
Oh-oh, Bhai what colour?
Ouch! It's white!
Why you pinch
So bloody tight?
Homeward heading
Ghee a-spreading
Bhais want chapati tonight.



FusionStream, out.

A Diamond Trevally, can be really hardy.

So song...
Today got one big Diamond Trevally on my Spinning reel surf set... Then at the last second just before i was about to pull it over the fence at the place where i was fishing, the bastard spat the hook out.... boo hoo hoo... so sad.... Nice big one sia.... The best part was this one was also another fish where when i barely had time to set the drag, and the fella took a strong hit...

So boring leh.... What can I do?

Haha.. maybe from now on i'll do the same thing that Cuteworm does, and that is post a little about my friends at the end of every entry... :p segue


Honorary "victim": Yow Chong Hon.

Real fun guy to be with. Always jovial, loves to joke, and never shows his disappointment if any. Met him in Secondary 3. He's a tall fella who oddly enough, has friends who are also all generally tall. Great fishing buddy too cuz he's game to try anything. The only thing is when his attention wanders, it's hard to get him back to the original item. He's always willing to help out a friend.

Recently took up smoking as a pastime.... haha...

Flatulator

Today on the train, i suddenly felt my intestines expanding. I felt the warmth emanating from my intestines, which iwould normally mean a smelly fart was on the way. This time however, i tot that it wouldn't be so bad, especially since it was so sudden. So I let it go. 20 seconds later i had to bite my lip to stop myself from smiling or i would have gave myself away... When i saw my fren twitching his nose, i tried my very best to stop that grin from appearing on my face... It was all i could do to keep from laughing my silly head off.

A smiled escaped me though and i innocently asked if it was him? He smiled and of course denied it. Then he said it must be the drain we just passed. I wanted to laugh my brains out. haha.... When the next train stop came, he actually tried to take a fresh breathe of air from outside. It's a good thing though that it happened when it did, because about a minute later i suddenly felt like i had the squits... It was damn lucky thing that i was nearing my home. haha...

It the first time i actually had to cover up my flatulating in the train. haha..

FusionStream, out,

Retribution

Kena sai.... today i went to the dentists and i was thoroughly pissed off with the fucking dentist, the nurse for her ignorance, and one of the two receptionists. The other one i must say was very polite and patient. Kanina i asked if i could just make my appointment first since i was the only one who didn't need to pay for anything... Can stare at me and ask me to just put my appointment card over there... So i went to put it together with my charge form but i found that she had already taken it.... KNN still can tsk at me.... I wanted to bitch slap(if it's even applicable to me) her right there and then... Did she forget what are the fucking rules of the service industry.....? It's not like i rudely told her to make my appointment immediately? i only asked her if it was possible....

Then when i finally wanted to choose an appointment date, i told the other receptionist the day that i wanted, and so she checked it's avialability. But she said that it was full, so she asked me if another day would be ok but i told her the day that i had previously mentioned would be better. Then this other fucking BITCH when aand sarcastically say "That's why you must tell us when you are free!"

KNN!!! You didn't fucking hear me say the day that i wanted is it? That one is not telling you is it? KNN, i still got say the reason for that day cuz i have a POLY Schedule and that would compliment it best... KNN, if I knew for sure that i wouldn't see her on my next appointment i would have been able to form complete sentences using purely vulgarities and say it to her....

ASSHOLE!!!! Fuck you NDC!!!

Doctor also kena sai. Think what must give me life story is it? he how old oni and want to tell me what to do.... Kena sai!

The forgotten

I went home with my fucking zip down. There was this girl in the train who was staring at my, erm, area. I tot she had like wandering eyes or something. Anyway, halfway i received an sms from a guy i had met earlier to buy a portable tv from. When i tried to pull it out from my pocket i noticed that the "tension" was not there. I immediately began to think my zipper was down. So when I alighted, I walked to about a block away from the MRT where i took a lift at a HDB BLock and went up. While in the lift, i checked my fucking zip and found it was indeed down. My goodness, how embarassing!!! Lucky no one noes me.... haha...