Ashcuse me, there ish a problem wit your mic.

The other day I was handling an Anti-Tobacco talk in my auditorium where the Emcee was a pack-a-day smoker. There were many boring speeches by many people who had a lot to say including a "recoveree" who literally gave a 2 second pause after reading each sentence very slowly in his "How I Gave up Smoking Speech". Of course there were 'fun' speeches from a few like the 9Div Commander who was open enough to actually interact with the crowd although if one of the 2ICs had shared his story of why he quit smoking it would have been really nice (it's really very touching but it's his story to tell, so...) .

Anyway, apart from all that, there was a skit by HPB.

There was this young lady who looked alright but who wore a figure-hugging dress that was really flattering, and misleading. So when we set her up with the wireless clip-on mic, almost all of us were wondering where on earth she kept the transmitter. I don't need to tell you where our first guess was.

About halfway through the skit, she forgot to unmute her mic and she was left to shout out her lines. Being the gentlemen I was, I rushed backstage with a wireless handheld mic before stopping at the curtain.

The lead actor was very observant and saw me standing by the side and cued me out with a "Yes? Can I help you?". So I walked out and knocked on the invisible door and handed the mic to the young lady. There was silence for a bit before the lead actor thanked me with great exaggeration and I gave him a down-swinging 2 finger salute. Then the crowd went wild, cheering loudly.

My hands were shaking a little when I reached the curtain not because I was enjoying the glory, but because that 2 finger salute was actually a really good save from my performing a real SAF salute. When thanking or acknowledging my friends, we generally salute each other and I realised how close I was to almost giving that civilian the same thing. Luckily, muscle memory from previous habits managed to convert that salute to a casual one.

For Pete's sake, the COMMANDER of the 9th Division was there!

Anyway, I promptly headed back up to the control room after the scene was over but by the next scene, she had turned off the microphone again. wtf.

Talk about a 'doh' moment. Luckily, that was her last scene.

I cannot hear you lah sir.

The army is full of 'one-kind' people. I think it's because of the different subcultures that we grew up in. Something acceptable to one subculture might not be in another and that's just assuming we're all conforming to it.

I know of one such person who has been stuck as a 1st Lieutenant for a really really long time. He is the last minute king. Recently, he strolled into our office 4.45 and calmly informed us off a high key talk the next day. He then proceeded to arrow(the art of military delegation of work) a few other key personnel in the other offices. Then he went home.

Then there was the other time he called me at 8pm to tell me he needed to use the auditorium the next day. I gently told him to bugger off as we don't entertain requests as close to the eleventh hour because of the preparation we need to do but somehow he managed to butter my officer and suddenly I found myself with a booking slot with no aircon schedule and ill-prepared equipment.

Then there was the Master Sergeant who followed his OC around like a puppy. He's a nice guy when he's not pissed and has a wacky sense of humour but to see a grown man follow his boss around even between rooms and even sitting on the floor while his boss sits on the chairs, it's really degrading.

I have a million other stories to tell and I'm not even half way done with my NS life.

Fascinating.

Lady from Quebec

In the army, we constantly point out and rate chicks. At least that's what me and my colleagues do. Perhaps because we have nothing better to do, perhaps because of the sudden change of visual stimuli or even because of an apparent need to prove one's manliness, but every time I oversee a Graduation Parade or an Enlistment, my colleagues and I trade hand signals and silent nods showing our approval or disapproval of our targets.

This is especially true during Graduation Parades when girlfriends(usually) dress to impress. It's a proud moment for their other halfs to 'pass-out' and many are not shy to mirror that sentiment in their fashion sense. Sometimes even sisters decide to put on a little show for the soldiers she knows are watching her.

Sometimes we even consider fashionable aunties in our assessments. 1 out of every 4 GPs though have poor showings in terms of the statistics of 'hot chicks'.

There was however this one GP 2 days ago where there was this supremely gorgeous chick. With a plunging neckline that still kept her classy and not in the least bit inappropriate and a smile to match, she truly was a vision of an angel. People use that phrase all the time to describe pretty women but in truth, she could have truly been an angel and I would not have been surprised.

In her gray dress (I swear it was light gray but my friends said it was an obvious blue :x) with flowers above the hem, with legs to die for and slightly brown, slightly wavy hair done by God himself, she was a radiant vision of beauty and style.

In my book, she was a perfect 10. She was even familiar with some of the other recruits' girlfriends who were of no similar caliber when they stood next to her. From the way she walked, to the way she interacted with her friends, I stopped caring about stuff like how she might sound like and what attitude she had. I was mesmerised.

She was slow in going to meet her boyfren/brother and that loaned more credibility to the notion that she was someone's sister. Instead of being all over her, the recruit was instead more content to take photos with his buddies and another girl(yes, there was another girl), leaving me even more convinced that she truly was just someone's sister.

She had caught me looking at her a number of times and was not afraid to look back. There was once she even started waving in my general direction and flashing that gorgeous smile but as there were still parents in front, I assumed that she was waving at her friends. Little did I know that she was waving at me.

Alas she was too far away for me to go down and talk to her while still looking casual and my stupid stupid refusal to screw up my military life stopped me from even waving at her.

Instead, I continued to look at her and she would occasionally look back, throwing me for a loop and wishing that from a distance, she would think I was worth it to break all protocol and actually walk up the bleachers to me so I could save my stupid military face. But life is not like the movies.

Too soon, the parents and graduants from BMTC Quebec 02/08 were invited to make their way to the ferry terminal. Throughout her slow and beautiful stroll to the edge of the parade square, she kept looking back and with each step she took, she moved further and further away until she could not be seen.

I was left alone again, wondering what had just happened.

The next day there was an enlistment exercise and although I related my story to my friends with vigour, the traditional practice of pointing out the 'hot chicks' no longer had the same appeal as it once did. Instead, I stared out into the sea of parents and silently wished she had another brother enlisting.

I was day dreaming again of course but sometimes, just sometimes, foolish hope pays.

Sometimes I wish Singapore was smaller.

Microsoft loves the taste of feet in mouth.

http://www.news.com/Microsoft-says-Firefox-not-a-threat-to-IE/2100-1032_3-5448719.html?tag=nw.20

Hahahaha!

Watergun v2

I was thinking.

Since water can be manipulated by magnetic fields, would it be possible to create an ice bullet.

I know the mythbusters have done an episode regarding the efficacy of an ice bullet. The bullets either shattered on firing or when they impacted the target, they left behind tell tale signs of gunpowder from the charge.

I was thinking, since water can be manipulated by magnetic fields, would it be possible to create an ice bullet using a railgun or a coilgun? It would solve the sudden impact problem that a traditional explosive charge could cause and it would even even out the the force acting on the projectile, preventing it from cracking or shattering. It would also solve the problem of gunpowder residue.

Granted this "gun" would possibly be too large for any one man to carry by himself (at least with current technology) but hang on. This is the ultimate weapon in a would be assassin's arsenal. Using an entire black ops team(maybe even a crane) to carry the damn thing would be cumbersome but would definitely be worth the effort and risk. Not that I'm condoning assassinations. But imagine if a would-be hitler-esque person were to rise up again in the near future. Bang (or whoosh)! Hitler gone, little to no fallout.

Granted it would be relatively expensive what with the purity of water being important to the integrity of the bullet at possible supersonic speeds and the enormous amounts of energy but it is from massive problems that monumental solutions are found

Food for thought? Or maybe it's already been done.

If i don't post anytime soon, you know what happened. heh.

The woman behind every man

You know what they say? Well it's absolutely true.

There is always a woman behind a man, manipulating him and pulling his strings. I hate these kinds of people. I've seen it happen a few times before. They manipulate everyone to some degree such that everyone thinks like her.

I've working in a current project where this new comer comes in, knowing nothing but the moment that person is ready to stand, he/she comes out fighting. Thinking that he/she fully understands how things work and in fact, how THE WORLD works, I'm inclined to disagree. We literally had to guide this person every step of the way and even as a department head, we were continuously working behind the scenes to cover up her mistakes. I'm pretty sure some bodily fluids were exchanged prior to her appointment as department head.

Is there no justice in this world? Or will it come only in the next.

ps. I'm biased of course and have overly generalised (gender and magnitude) because I was pissed but this post will stand.

A world without terminal velocity

I often (not really but it sounds cooler) wonder what our world would be like if there was no terminal velocity.

Terminal velocity is a phenomena when the upward drag caused by a falling object moving through the air would counter the downward force of gravity to a point where the object simply cannot go any faster.

In a world without terminal velocity, raindrops would be like bullets (or perhaps the curved nature of the droplet form would help dissipate the impact more than I would have thought). A sneeze from a skyscraper could land you in jail for 'intent to cause grievous hurt' or 'terrorism'. Killer litter would seriously be killer litter.

Then I realised, I'm talking about life on the moon. Having no atmosphere, the moon is unable to slow down extra-lunar material to it's terminal velocity because it has no terminal velocity in zero atmosphere.

So I sit back, imagine I'm on the moon and stare towards the sun, picturing Osama in front of me.

ironies

My Chinese New Year celebration was fraught with ironies and oddities that I simply must share.

Firstly, my lucky draw number was 123. It is STATISTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE for me to win with the number 123 as my 'lucky number'.

Then there was the official photographer who won a camera in the lucky draw.

Not forgetting of course the getai singers, one with a beer belly and another with a double chin so big, you could fit a small infant inside.

These are the little things that I experience in my journey as an NSF. Things that I'll tell my kids are reasons to look forward to NS. Things that without me and my comrades having been bored out of our skulls would have annoyed us all at the sheer absurdity of it all.

I can speak no more for the last parade calls me. With a trumpet nonetheless. Formalities and ironies. These make up my life.

What the army teaches us

One of the few things that the army brings out in us is lust.

I swear, after hearing your commanders shouting in your ear and forcing you to do really stupid and exhausting things, the (perceived) soft and gentle "company" of a lady feels like the 7th level of heaven.

Recruits, during their Basic Military Training(BMT), routinely bring their magazines featuring bikini clad women and read, in earnest, the air-headed conversations with these ladies written across the pages as if they were really talking to them. It gives them a sense of reprieve from the harsh and controlled masochistic mayhem that is the army. I'm not implying that they "use" the magazine because in the psychological state that they're in, most impressionable recruits follow the much joked about rule against wanking off in the SAF. True to making use of every available resource in resource-scarce Singapore, the SAF is against informal discharges.

This goes on (the lust, not the magazine reading) throughout one's tenure in the army and in some cases, well past it.

I remember during a Chinese New Year event that was held on the same day and near the vicinity of a similar event held for employees of Cycle and Carriage. I had already been posted out as a permstaff guy and was no longer a recruit. Halfway through the insanely boring army event filled with Getais and a fat man promoting their services by handing out their flyers in the form of a game/contest, a few of us began noticing hot women(from the Cycle and Carriage event) walking past the entrance of the event room, presumably to the toilets.

With the true courage of an SAF Warrior, a few of us headed to the corridor to stand by the wall like pimps watching our fodder go by. We were not dissatisfied. The fodder apparently was though.

I have a BMT buddy who constantly SMSed and talked with his girlfriend throughout his BMT days and seemed oblivious to the surrounding pressure and chaos that most of the rest of us went through. I always wondered how he did it (from blatant eavesdropping sessions, I gathered his girlfriend was herself a handful).

I have another friend who routinely visits Geylang for tau huay and then for the other tau huay. I kind of got the feeling that he felt at peace in that fantasy world.

In the army, when you're not talking about current affairs, fucked up commanders or the latest white horse who's enlisting, you're either talking about hot (in some cases "cute") chicks or verbally rating the babes from friendster or facebook profiles according to hotness, cuteness and several other attributes. Quality of tau huay included.

Look Mum! The army has made me into a man!

Fuck it.

note: I don't really know how the 302's are affected by National Service.

I'm still here

A lot's been happening lately and I before I've had the time to sit down and write about it, another thing crops up.

That would explain my lack of writing shit here. :p

Changed the playlist and the player so sound quality and loading speed should be much better now.

Spent a bomb upgrading my guitar gear so posts with pix on that coming soon.

Housekeeping coming soon too. Links getting stagnant even though the sites are alive. Thinking of doing a randomising script to display diff links per load.

Very soon.

Do the math

Imagine a taut rope is put perfectly center around a smooth earth. Now add a metre to the rope and pull it taut upwards so that the rope is raised evenly above the earth's surface.

How high will the rope be above the earth?

You're thinking a fraction of a fraction of a millimetre right? So did I. And we'd be wrong.

Apparently, if you do the math, the answer always rounds off to 16 centimetres.

Not convinced? Neither was I. heh. So here's the formula. All calculations are in metres.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pi = π ≈ 3.14
Circumference = 2 x π x radius(r)
∴ Add a metre to the circumference = Add 16 centimetres to the radius
∴ 2 x π x r + 1[metres] ≈ 2 x π x (r + 0.16[metres])
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now this may still be a little hard to believe so take out your calculator and substitute r with any number.

Now go post it on your own blog and watch the geeks start to 'digg' it.

Forza Ferrari!

*Shouts with utter glee.

Kimi Raikonnen for Ferrari wins the world championship! Rookie Hamilton and FORMER world champion Alonso bite the dust.

Can't wait for next years season. Hopefully Massa will be given a better chance this year especially since he's a great team player, hopefully Kimi can reciprocate.