The Straits Times and Terrorism...

In the Straits Times Today it was said that we as Singaporeans suffer from something called "The Bystander Effect".

This theory, with regard to how we react on terrorism and/or it's threat supposedly means that when everybody sees a suspicious object, nobody will do anything about it because they think someone else will act.

Some of the examples written in that article include how when a suspicious article was placed in an MRT Station as a test, only two people responded and alerted the Authorities. These two people were foreigners.

Another example given in the paper was an MP recalling how she had watched in a video how a suspicious looking man, donned with sunglasses and a heavy coat, stood there without any passers-by "batting an eyelid".

So here's what i think.
Somebody up there has been watching too much of The Butterfly Effect. What a name man. The ByStander Effect. woohoo... What.. were they trying to look cool? haha...

Anywayz, about those 2 foreigners beating us to the punch... Yes. ..I believe the only reason that foreigners were the only "respondees" was because they were faster than us. How did I come up with that u might ask?

Let's put it this way. Foreigners mean one of 2 things here. Whites & Indians(or their equivalent. no offence...)

Picture this if you will...

White Dude: Yea. Say man. I think i like see a package here dude. Ya know? Like it's suspicious or something. Would you mind checking it out?
The Authorities: Of course sir. Right away!


Indian Dude: Hello? Yes. I am be vanting to be reporting that I am seeing a piece of cardboard box that is being wery suspicious. Vould you be wanting to come down here and be taking a look?
The Authorities: Vhy certainly, erm i mean, certainly sir. Of course. Thank you for calling us. We apprecite ur call.......

Now here's a Singaporean calling them.
Singaporean: Yar... Harlo? 'scu me? yar. eh ah.. i see the box down here leh.
The Authorities: Sorry sir? Box? What box?
Singaporean: Er. that one lah.. i mean.. aiyah.. this one lah.. the one here...
The Authorities: Sorry. where?
Singaporean: here lah.. in front me one.. aiyah... i call to tell you that.. aiyah.. not say i say one lah. but.. like belly the suspicious lor...
The Authorities: Oic.. you're calling to report a suspicious article....
Singaporean: wa? oh.. yar.. suspicious one.. belly belly suspicious.. box one.. cardboard i think... but not say i say lah... not say got bomb or wat lah.. aha.. aha.. choi choi.. haha...so ar.. what you want do it about?
The Authorities: Erm, i'm sorry sir, but we're having trouble determining the validity of ur call...
Singaporean: huh? wat var-lid-iti? eh? i pay my phone bill hor.. don any how say say one hor.. alamak.. anyhow anyhow here and there.. i sue u than u noe.. libel i say... alamak.... liddat TT sia.. TT wat? TT wat ah? Oh yar.. the the that one... er, TT Durian.. ya.. Anyhow sue sue. Ask him drink milk lah.. susu.. sisi lah bodoh..... aiyah.... alamak... (pause) Eh.. so then this box how...?
The Authorities: Erm, I'm sorry sir, but we're having some trouble with our connection. Please wait one moment.. *begins tracing call*
Singaporean: orh... ok ok.. i go wait one corner first...
Singaporean: (hums to self) ow ow salah kau.. singapore......
*sound of distant sirens become apparent*


As you can clearly see, we stand no chance of beating those foreigners to the punch. They get the fastest "service" while us Singporeans get a free trip to ClubMAD.

Anyway, moving on to that video with the suspicious looking man. Notice how they never state what kind of video it is.

Think of this. If I'm a suicide bomber, i need to blend in with the crowd. Why on God's Earth would i then wear a trenhcoat in Singapore. These terrorisers aren't stupid u noe. And secondly, if I were a suicide bomber and was about to die, would i care if people remembered my face? Why then would I need sunglasses?

So here's what I'm thinking. This poor guy just came out of the hospital after being treated for serious burns because his wife decided she wanted to try BDSM. Being the shy guy that he is, he wanted to cover up as much of himself as possible so people wouldn't see his scars and/or be able to recognise him in the future. So he coers himself up with a trenchcoat and wears sunglasses. The reason why he's standing there all alone is because his wife just remembered she left the handcuffs back up at the hospital and so went to get them. Imagine if that was you and suddenly some cops decided take you firmly by your freshly scarred arms and lead you away to one side. Imagine the pain you'll feel as they pat you down, looking for bombs... Then one of the cops feels the bandages around your chest as he's thinking like, "dammit! bomb!!!". So he rips open ur trenchcoat, exposing for all to see, your scarred and burnt body and what's left of your manhood. I tell you if that were me, I'd be wishing that i did have some bombs strapped on to me. So that's why i decided to give that guy a break.

So think about your fellow islandmen of Singapore... Trenchcoats weren't made solely for terrorists u noe... And always be safe in the knowledge that the people of VolksWagen will protect us. (See clip below)



SpikedHumor.com


p.s. this isn't one of that excerpts that i was promising.. This is mine.. All mine.. muahahaha.. erm.. yea...