Ashcuse me, there ish a problem wit your mic.

The other day I was handling an Anti-Tobacco talk in my auditorium where the Emcee was a pack-a-day smoker. There were many boring speeches by many people who had a lot to say including a "recoveree" who literally gave a 2 second pause after reading each sentence very slowly in his "How I Gave up Smoking Speech". Of course there were 'fun' speeches from a few like the 9Div Commander who was open enough to actually interact with the crowd although if one of the 2ICs had shared his story of why he quit smoking it would have been really nice (it's really very touching but it's his story to tell, so...) .

Anyway, apart from all that, there was a skit by HPB.

There was this young lady who looked alright but who wore a figure-hugging dress that was really flattering, and misleading. So when we set her up with the wireless clip-on mic, almost all of us were wondering where on earth she kept the transmitter. I don't need to tell you where our first guess was.

About halfway through the skit, she forgot to unmute her mic and she was left to shout out her lines. Being the gentlemen I was, I rushed backstage with a wireless handheld mic before stopping at the curtain.

The lead actor was very observant and saw me standing by the side and cued me out with a "Yes? Can I help you?". So I walked out and knocked on the invisible door and handed the mic to the young lady. There was silence for a bit before the lead actor thanked me with great exaggeration and I gave him a down-swinging 2 finger salute. Then the crowd went wild, cheering loudly.

My hands were shaking a little when I reached the curtain not because I was enjoying the glory, but because that 2 finger salute was actually a really good save from my performing a real SAF salute. When thanking or acknowledging my friends, we generally salute each other and I realised how close I was to almost giving that civilian the same thing. Luckily, muscle memory from previous habits managed to convert that salute to a casual one.

For Pete's sake, the COMMANDER of the 9th Division was there!

Anyway, I promptly headed back up to the control room after the scene was over but by the next scene, she had turned off the microphone again. wtf.

Talk about a 'doh' moment. Luckily, that was her last scene.

I cannot hear you lah sir.

The army is full of 'one-kind' people. I think it's because of the different subcultures that we grew up in. Something acceptable to one subculture might not be in another and that's just assuming we're all conforming to it.

I know of one such person who has been stuck as a 1st Lieutenant for a really really long time. He is the last minute king. Recently, he strolled into our office 4.45 and calmly informed us off a high key talk the next day. He then proceeded to arrow(the art of military delegation of work) a few other key personnel in the other offices. Then he went home.

Then there was the other time he called me at 8pm to tell me he needed to use the auditorium the next day. I gently told him to bugger off as we don't entertain requests as close to the eleventh hour because of the preparation we need to do but somehow he managed to butter my officer and suddenly I found myself with a booking slot with no aircon schedule and ill-prepared equipment.

Then there was the Master Sergeant who followed his OC around like a puppy. He's a nice guy when he's not pissed and has a wacky sense of humour but to see a grown man follow his boss around even between rooms and even sitting on the floor while his boss sits on the chairs, it's really degrading.

I have a million other stories to tell and I'm not even half way done with my NS life.

Fascinating.

Lady from Quebec

In the army, we constantly point out and rate chicks. At least that's what me and my colleagues do. Perhaps because we have nothing better to do, perhaps because of the sudden change of visual stimuli or even because of an apparent need to prove one's manliness, but every time I oversee a Graduation Parade or an Enlistment, my colleagues and I trade hand signals and silent nods showing our approval or disapproval of our targets.

This is especially true during Graduation Parades when girlfriends(usually) dress to impress. It's a proud moment for their other halfs to 'pass-out' and many are not shy to mirror that sentiment in their fashion sense. Sometimes even sisters decide to put on a little show for the soldiers she knows are watching her.

Sometimes we even consider fashionable aunties in our assessments. 1 out of every 4 GPs though have poor showings in terms of the statistics of 'hot chicks'.

There was however this one GP 2 days ago where there was this supremely gorgeous chick. With a plunging neckline that still kept her classy and not in the least bit inappropriate and a smile to match, she truly was a vision of an angel. People use that phrase all the time to describe pretty women but in truth, she could have truly been an angel and I would not have been surprised.

In her gray dress (I swear it was light gray but my friends said it was an obvious blue :x) with flowers above the hem, with legs to die for and slightly brown, slightly wavy hair done by God himself, she was a radiant vision of beauty and style.

In my book, she was a perfect 10. She was even familiar with some of the other recruits' girlfriends who were of no similar caliber when they stood next to her. From the way she walked, to the way she interacted with her friends, I stopped caring about stuff like how she might sound like and what attitude she had. I was mesmerised.

She was slow in going to meet her boyfren/brother and that loaned more credibility to the notion that she was someone's sister. Instead of being all over her, the recruit was instead more content to take photos with his buddies and another girl(yes, there was another girl), leaving me even more convinced that she truly was just someone's sister.

She had caught me looking at her a number of times and was not afraid to look back. There was once she even started waving in my general direction and flashing that gorgeous smile but as there were still parents in front, I assumed that she was waving at her friends. Little did I know that she was waving at me.

Alas she was too far away for me to go down and talk to her while still looking casual and my stupid stupid refusal to screw up my military life stopped me from even waving at her.

Instead, I continued to look at her and she would occasionally look back, throwing me for a loop and wishing that from a distance, she would think I was worth it to break all protocol and actually walk up the bleachers to me so I could save my stupid military face. But life is not like the movies.

Too soon, the parents and graduants from BMTC Quebec 02/08 were invited to make their way to the ferry terminal. Throughout her slow and beautiful stroll to the edge of the parade square, she kept looking back and with each step she took, she moved further and further away until she could not be seen.

I was left alone again, wondering what had just happened.

The next day there was an enlistment exercise and although I related my story to my friends with vigour, the traditional practice of pointing out the 'hot chicks' no longer had the same appeal as it once did. Instead, I stared out into the sea of parents and silently wished she had another brother enlisting.

I was day dreaming again of course but sometimes, just sometimes, foolish hope pays.

Sometimes I wish Singapore was smaller.